With the world in what seems like constant turmoil, and the majority of my focus on my son and my research, I am continuing to take a break from blogging. However, I will share things from time to time. This video inspired me. Perhaps it will inspire you too.
I founded End Coercive Control USA in the fall of 2019 after reading Evan Stark's book "Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life". Having been a victim and survivor of domestic abuse as a child and then as an adult, Stark's book on coercive control resonated with me in a way that no other book had before. Before learning of the term coercive control, I read Lundy Bancroft's book "Why does he do that", and had been powerfully validated by his strong stance against victim-blaming and holding perpetrators of abuse accountable. Lundy had used the term coercive control in his book as well, but at the time, domestic violence was the predominating term for what I, and so many other victim/survivors had experienced, and I having not seen the term before, I missed its significance to my experience.
After reading Evan Stark's book on coercive control, I began to see the insidious and covert nature of the variety of tactics of coercion and control that had been used against myself and people I knew throughout my lifetime. And I became painfully aware of the horrific consequences of allowing perpetrators of this type violence to continue their pattern of behavior.
This is why I founded ECCUSA (End Coercive Control USA)... to find ways to detect, prevent and intervene in coercive control. Ultimately, my mission is to educate the public and professionals on how to recognize coercive control, so that we can prevent the pattern before it starts.
This past year I received my PgCert in the Psychology of Coercive Control from the University of Salford. And I am in my final year of completing my Masters in the Psychology of Coercive Control.
It has been a busy year. I have spoken for three major conferences; the Conference on Crimes Against Women, the International Coercive Control Conference and the 2021 Domestic Violence Symposium. I have also begun consulting and offering expert witness testimony on coercive control. The past few months have been so busy with Domestic Violence Awareness Month in October, the speaking engagements, grad school and consulting on cases that I haven't even had time to blog. (Sorry about that... I plan to get better at juggling all these priorities in 2022).
The last three months have also been especially busy and stressful as I have been moving my home, business and family from Texas to Connecticut. I am excited to announce that we have a house under contract that we will move into in January. Yay!
In 2022 End Coercive Control USA will continue offering speaking, training, consulting, and expert witness testimony on coercive control, domestic abuse and domestic violence. In January, I will be speaking for the Safe & Together Institute's Conference on my PsychoSocial Quicksand Model™, and much of 2022 will be used to conduct research on coercive control and the PsychoSocial Quicksand Model™. By next fall I plan to complete my Masters in the Psychology of Coercive Control.
If you are a survivor and/or professional working in the area of coercive control, domestic abuse and domestic violence, please feel free to register for our newsletter and/or contact me to network and brainstorm on how we can best work together to detect, intervene in and prevent coercive control, not only in the US, but all over the world.
Soon I will be looking for participants for my coercive control research. If you are either a survivor or a court or health care professional working to end domestic abuse and coercive control, please feel free to email me and I will contact you when studies open up (kate@endccusa.com).
Sally Challen's case drew a lot of attention in the UK, because she killed her husband by hitting him in the head repeatedly with a hammer. Her case seemed open and shut, and she was convicted of murder. But at her original trial, her husband's coercive and controlling behaviors were never raised. Coercive control was not yet illegal in the UK, and therefore not available as a defense or even considered relevant to the "crime." Even on appeal, Sally was not released from prison because of her husband's coercive control, but because she had been mentally ill at the time of the killing.
The piece of the puzzle that advocates and survivors of coercive control are attempting to connect through education and awareness is the connection between coercive control and the severe mental distress it causes. Sally Challen wasn't mentally ill prior to her husband's coercive control. Coercive control likely CAUSED her mental illness. Even if it didn't cause it originally, it most certainly exacerbated it beyond her ability to cope. How do we know that? Because Sally Challen doesn't remember killing her husband. She didn't want to kill him. She loved him. But the coercive control she was experiencing so completely overwhelmed her body, mind and soul, that she reacted violently to protect her very being. I can relate, and so can many other targets of coercive control.
Research shows that nearly two-thirds of female prisoners are survivors of domestic abuse. And, according to Evan Stark, the majority of domestic abuse cases include coercive control. Why does this matter? Because this means that many of the women in prison are there for fighting back against abuse or trying to protect themselves from abuse and/or coercive control. In the US, we aren't tracking coercive control, but we must start. We must criminalize coercive control in order to protect women and girls from being prosecuted for protecting themselves against coercive controllers, and to make it easier for women to leave them. Society is blind to the invisible ways coercive control entraps women within the intimate terrorism that characterizes these relationships. Coercive controllers make escape nearly impossible.
Criminalizing coercive control will save lives!
If you have never been a victim, target or survivor of coercive control you can't fully grasp the terror, rage and pain of having someone who says they love you rip your life apart, while enjoying it. This kind of horrific abuse causes severe trauma. Sally didn't want to kill her husband. She just wanted what all victims of domestic abuse and coercive control want... she wanted the abuse to STOP!
Now the Criminal Cases Review Commission is reopening murder cases in order to put right the miscarriages of justice that characterize a good portion of our female prison population. Personally... I will be cheering from the sidelines, and praying that women are released from the hell that they have suffered because a coercively controlling man destroyed their life. They will never be able to get back what he stole from them, but we can at least grant them the dignity, the agency and the freedom to claim the rest of their own lives.
Have you ever heard of a Jewish get? I hadn't until last week when attending an ICSA (International Cultic Studies Association) conference online. I was raised Christian, and I am well aware of the misogyny and patriarchal values that pervade the application of the Christian religion, especially within churches that lean toward fundamentalism. However, I was not aware that the Jewish faith has a tradition regarding divorce that essentially gives men the RIGHT to refuse wives a divorce.
The get "is a writ of Jewish divorce which terminates a Jewish marriage and enables the former husband and wife to remarry freely under Jewish law." In order for a Jewish woman to receive a religiously sanctioned divorce, she needs permission from her husband, in the form of a get. For abused women, I am sure you can anticipate the mountain of problems this tradition causes. Abusers, and coercive controllers are hell bent on maintaining control over their spouses. So, providing men with an incentive to maintain that control is abusive in and of itself. Religious traditions can be of great value to members. However, when those traditions inevitably lead to abuse and harm to innocent women and children, the priority must be for the individuals involved and NOT for the "sanctity" of the tradition.
In this article you can see that the Federation of Synagogues decision to refuse gets to women who file charges against their husbands is not only misogynistic, it is also an act of coercive control, by the Jewish leadership. The coercively controlling husbands may be the ones using the get against their wives, but it is the religious leaders who are allowing it to happen. This is not uncommon in religious organizations. Jimmy & Clara Hinton's podcast, The Speaking Out On Sex Abuse Podcast, details similar abuses within the Christian faith, and their most recent episodes (157 & 158) uncover abuse and abuse cover-ups commonly occurring within the Amish and Mennonite communities. The documentary "Spotlight", and the series "Scientology & The Aftermath", detail abuses within the Catholic religion and the Scientology cult. Both the Catholic church and Scientology not only ignored abuse within their organizations, they covered it up and they threatened those who tried to speak up about the abuse.
No religions, legitimate or cult-like, are immune from maintaining policies and traditions that side with abusers and coercive controllers. Coercive control can be found in nearly every organization, religion, cult, school and governmental body. We must abolish abusive policies and traditions, and replace them with transparency and equality for all.
Slavery was a tradition for a long time. That doesn't mean it was ever right. It's time we aligned our words with our actions, which will hopefully be the outcome of the Chief Rabbi's meeting to discuss this issue from the article above.
This article on Kristie Evans and the coercive control she suffered prior to having her husband killed is an excellent read!
Decades of marriage to a coercive controller who's coercive control was escalating forced Kristie Evans to have her husband killed in order to save herself. However, the press originally framed this story as a "love triangle gone wrong", and not the act of self-defense that it was. This case is not about violence against her husband. This case is about resisting HIS violence.
Coercive control is incredibly insidious! It is subtle and it is hidden in plain sight. Kristie Evans was married to a small town Baptist preacher in Oklahoma who was quoted as saying:
“I don’t own her. Can’t control her. She is my equal partner, and I know how amazing she really is. I don’t know much, but I know I should keep pursuing her just like when we first met.”
He pursued her all right! This quote is dripping with red flags for coercive control, but most people won't see it that way. Especially with faith leaders, we tend to take what people say at face value. But that is exactly how coercive controllers get away with coercive control. They say all the right words to cover their tracks, in advance. This statement is actually EVIDENCE that he was coercively controlling. It is proof that he used smoke-screening tactics to protect himself from scrutiny. He wanted to make sure that people believed he was not controlling or focused on his wife as an owned object, so he said so. He acted as if he believed her to be "amazing", but upon further examination of text messages and statements regarding his abuse, we can see that this statement was carefully crafted to deceive. It is actually a covert confession.
I feel for Kristie Evans. She has already been through "hell" with her husband, and now she is going to have to face the US court system and society's misconceptions about domestic abuse and its lack of understanding of coercive control. She is going to be painted as a murderer by the prosecutor and a sinner by the church. She is no such thing. She is a human being that was pushed beyond her ability to cope with ongoing terror. Kristie's husband, who had been extremely abusive and coercively controlling for decades, was threatening suicide. Survivors like Kristie and myself understand what that means. If he was going to take his own life, he was going to take hers along with it. She was terrified for her life and she did the only thing she knew could make him stop torturing her. She is finally safe from him, but now she will have to face the inevitable victim-blaming to which survivors of coercive control are nearly always subjected.
This case could turn out to be the most important case for women's equality in the US. Roe vs Wade could pale by comparison. While reproductive rights are certainly important, this case involves the rights to agency, dignity and freedom for all women and girls. If Kristie is found not guilty it could pave the way for coercive control laws across the country and lead to true protection of human rights for women and girls. But if she is convicted it could further entrench us in misogynistic, patriarchal and victim-blaming narratives that are currently the biggest threat our female citizens face today.
I will be keeping an eye on this case, and if you care about women's rights, you will too.
Governor Greg Abbott has vetoed SB-1109, a bill that would have provided for domestic violence, specifically dating violence, education for middle and high school children in Texas. The fact that the bill will save lives wasn't as important to our governor as it was to protect "parents rights".
On the surface protecting parents rights may seem like a good thing, and, it is in many instances. However, when it comes to educating children about abuse, the rights of parents should not be our first concern. Why? Because child abuse and domestic violence happen in the home, and much of it is perpetrated by fathers and step-fathers. So, by protecting the rights of parents to control what information children receive regarding abuse, our governor is also protecting perpetrators of domestic violence from being discovered. Abusers are notoriously skilled at twisting their negative behaviors to appear innocent while blaming everyone else around them. This gaslighting can be extremely confusing and harmful to adult and child victims of domestic abuse and coercive control. SB-1109 could help children begin to identify the red flags not only of dating violence, but also domestic violence and child abuse in their own homes.
Grand Prairie Assistant Police Chief, Ronnie Morris, who wrote the bill, has offered to include an exclusion for parents who wish to opt out of the education for their children if the governor will consider the bill in his special session, but I strongly believe including it would be a mistake. Domestic abuse and domestic violence education is only distasteful for one type of person... abusers. Loving and protective parents want their child to be educated on how to protect themselves from abuse, and how to not become abusive themselves. Healthy and supportive parents and their children want healthy relationship education and would greatly benefit from this legislation. I would argue that even the abusers will benefit... eventually.
The fact is that most abusers don't change, even with help. But statistics on this are based on decades of batterer intervention programs that have operated within a society that is still largely uneducated about coercive control, domestic abuse and violence. So when an abuser learns in some type of program that his behaviors are harmful and that he is choosing to harm others, they often revert quickly to abusive behaviors when the people around them continues to look the other way. As a society we must educate everyone on abuse and coercive control, and we must hold perpetrators accountable for their actions. Because until we start demanding that perpetrators change, it is very unlikely that they will.
Governor Abbott vetoing SB-1109 is not a win for parents rights, it is a lose for everyone! Vetoing this bill only serves to protect abusers, coercive controllers and predators. End Coercive Control USA calls on Governor Abbott to sign the bill as it stands. Texas can be a beacon of hope for victims and survivors of abuse and coercive control rather than continuing to ignore the horrific dangers that are ever-present when we prioritize the "rights" of one group of people over the lives of another.
And...if allowing parents to opt out is the only option Governor Abbott will consider, then I recommend we watch out for the parents who do so. It may be the quickest way to identify the coercive controllers and abusers in our midst.
I am honored to be featured in this article for the Hidden Gems section of Voyage Austin's web site! The article covers a bit of my personal story regarding coercive control and why I decided to start End Coercive Control USA. Check it out if you have a chance. THANKS!
Jennifers' Law, which adds coercive control to the definition of domestic violence in Connecticut, will go into effect July 1st, 2021 after Governor Lamont signed the bill this past Monday. Connecticut joins
Hawaii and California which have also passed legislation that includes coercive control as a form of domestic violence. This is a HUGE victory for survivors, victims and targets of coercive control and domestic abuse in that state! It is especially important for survivors who have children and are attempting to protect them in the family courts. Survivors in CT will have new protections never before available within the family court system that has been shown to be significantly biased against protective moms.
Watch this interview with Christine Cocchiola, a fellow student of coercive control studying at NYU, and Dan Cargill, of the Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence (CCADV), as they explain who needs to be trained on coercive control and why.
Woo Hoo! Great news (and not so great news)! Jennifer's Law passed The Senate in Connecticut in a landslide 35-1 vote!
Jennifer's Law is named after two Jennifers, Jennifer Dulos and Jennifer Magnano who were murdered by their spouse and ex-spouse after ongoing use of coercive control by their killers.
Unfortunately, Jennifer's Law has been absorbed into a larger domestic violence proposal known as SB 1091, and many consider this an insult to the women who lost their lives and the families they leave behind.
Rachel Wood, along with dozens of other victims and survivors of coercive control testified in support of Jennifer's Law. In a statement, Woods said, “Domestic violence survivors risked retaliation and harm to testify in support of Jennifers’ Law. Some even testified from hiding because telling their stories creates real danger. We call on legislators to honor all victims of domestic violence, including those who have not survived, by retaining the name of this legislation.”
I am grateful that coercive control laws are being proposed and passed in the US, but I am also deeply saddened by the minimization of women's value in our country and worldwide. Removing the name Jennifer's Law from the legislation says a lot about how sexism and patriarchy still predominate... even in 2021!
"Another deadly mass shooting" has become part of our daily headlines in the United States. However, the connection between coercive control, domestic violence and mass shootings is often ignored. The media often sweeps the connections between mass shooters and domestic violence abusers, especially those who use coercive control, under the proverbial rug. Shootings are news, but domestic violence and coercive control do not receive nearly the same press.
So, keeping weapons out of the hands of domestic violence perpetrators may play a big part in reducing mass shootings. And, I am all for stronger laws that do that. But I prefer to focus most of my energy on something that is rarely utilized in the domestic violence arena... PREVENTION. Sure, lots of organizations claim to be focused on domestic violence prevention, but what most of them are referring to when they talk about domestic violence prevention is secondary prevention. Secondary prevention of domestic violence is mainly focused on recidivism... or stopping the perpetrator from committing domestic violence AGAIN. And, in my book, that does not prevent domestic violence.
What I mean when I say prevention is primary prevention... preventing domestic violence before it ever happens. And hardly anyone is focusing on primary prevention. Why? Because it is a lot harder to stop domestic violence from happening than it is to "prevent" it after the fact. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't try. We try to prevent lots of other bad things from happening... plane crashes, mass deaths from natural disasters, bank robberies, drug and alcohol addiction, teen pregnancy (yes, some people think teen pregnancy is bad) etc. We pour billions of dollars every year into preventing these and other undesirable outcomes.
So, why don't we focus more on preventing domestic violence? Well, it's expensive, it's time-consuming and it's complicated. But so is preventing plane crashes and terrorist attacks. But the main reason we aren't focusing on primary prevention for domestic violence is that we are still using an outdated definition of what domestic violence really is.
The majority of domestic violence actually begins as coercive control. Coercive control is a pattern of coercive and controlling tactics that are designed to completely dominate the target. And, if the perpetrator can do that without physical violence, they often will. However, if non-physical forms of violence are not enough to keep a targeted person under the abusers control, they may escalate to physical violence. Coercive control has been found in 99% of domestic homicide cases. This means that identifying coercive control is the key to preventing intimate partner homicide and filicide... not to mention playing a part in preventing mass shootings. Not only can the identification of coercive control early on prevent murders, it can prevent less harmful forms of domestic violence, and it can help millions of victims trapped in non-physical violence escape as well.
But we aren't assessing for coercive control in the US. Coercive control, with the exception of two states, California and Hawaii, is not illegal in the US. And we cannot prevent what we don't assess for. We cannot prevent what we don't arrest and prosecute offenders for. Currently in the US we are WAITING for coercive control to escalate to physical violence before we do anything about it. This puts the targets at much greater risk of harm and/or death. It also puts perpetrators at greater risk of becoming more dangerous, because they continue their egregious behavior unabated and unaccountable. Human beings who benefit from something that makes them feel powerful and superior and get away with it will often continue to escalate those behaviors. And coercive control almost always gets worse over time.
It is time to pass laws to #CriminalizeCoerciveControl in every state in the US. Until and unless we do, domestic violence will only get worse, as will mass shootings.