While the framework of coercive control that expert Evan Stark researches and covers extensively in his book “Coercive Control – How men entrap women in personal life”, is all about intimate partner violence (IPV), I believe that much of the coercive control framework can be applied in other contexts as well.
Lisa Fontes, author of "Invisible Chains", for instance, has a fabulous article on how coercive control can manifest in the workplace.
What may not apply, although it can, is the dynamic found in intimate partner violence that’s caused by the power dynamic of inequality that underlies intimate partner and gender-based violence. Because the majority of intimate partner violence is perpetrated by males against females, coercive control tactics are helped along by societal biases that place women in a lower status than men. Therefore, men can more easily utilize coercive controlling tactics against a woman, than a woman could use against a man. This doesn’t mean that women never perpetrate coercive control against men, or even that same sex couples cannot be affected by it, it simply means that the vast majority of coercive control in intimate partner violence is a male against female strategy, because it is easier for a male to get away with it.
So, how does this dynamic differ in a professional setting? First of all, the abuse of power afforded a man in his personal relationship against his female partner is absent. (Unless the parties are also in an intimate relationship. Which, I can tell you from personal experience, significantly magnifies the potential for harm, if it applies). There may still be a male/female component to the workplace coercive control, if the party with more power is male. Much of sexual harassment in the workplace, for instance, can keep a female employee entrapped for years by this dynamic.
But what if the parties are not a male supervisor and a female subordinate? Can coercive control still occur under those conditions? I believe it can. Take, for example, a male perpetrator and a male victim… (or two females). While the advantages of the male/female inequalities in our society don’t come into play here, there are still several other factors that can lead to the tactics of coercive control being utilized at work.
The Power of Authority: whenever one person holds authority over another person, like in the case of a supervisor and a subordinate, the opportunity for the successful use of coercive control rises. This doesn’t mean that anytime you have a boss and an employee that this will happen, but it is more likely when there is a power differential. Two studies that support the idea that authority can alter the dynamics of a relationship are the Milgram Experiment and the Stanford Prison Experiment. In the Milgram study, participants who were told by an authority figure to administer shocks to another human being, demonstrated the tendency to abdicate one’s own moral decision-making in the face of what they consider to be valid authority. The Stanford experiment demonstrated the tendency of human beings to abuse power when placed in a position of authority over another person. This study involved randomly placing college students in the experiment into guards or prisoners. While not every participant in either study abused their power or submitted to authority, many did. The prison study was ended early, because the results were proving to be quite dangerous to some of the participants. So, one factor in whether a person may use coercive control, or end up being a victim of coercive control, has to do with their level of authority in the situation, and/or their ability to avoid the natural human tendencies to submit to authority or to abuse the authority they have been given.
Low or no conscience: persons with personality disorders and or psychopathy have either low or no conscience. This can lead to immoral, illegal and unethical behaviors of all types, not just the use of coercive control. Paul Babiak , author of “Snakes in Suits”, and George Simon, author of “In Sheep’s Clothing” both go into depth about how folks with low or no empathy can wreak havoc in the workplace and elsewhere. And a person doesn’t have to have a personality disorder or psychopathy to be a coercive controller. Just having the single trait of lack of empathy for others (usually combined with some form of justification in their own mind) can enable a person to resort to coercively controlling tactics.
Vulnerability: All humans have vulnerabilities, but some people’s vulnerabilities are more obvious than others. A person with a physical disability, for instance, is at a distinct disadvantage when in the presence of a coercive controller. That’s because coercive controllers seek out vulnerabilities like guided missiles. Exploiting vulnerabilities is one main way in which coercive control can be exercised. A power differential sets up an automatic vulnerability, but there are lots of other vulnerabilities that can be exploited by a person intent on using coercive control to dominate others. This makes people who belong to already marginalized groups more likely to be targeted.
My personal opinion is that whenever you have two things, 1. an imbalance of power AND 2. someone with low/no conscience, the tactics of coercive control are likely to become a factor.
So how do you know if you are being targeted by a coercive controller at work? The short answer is, you may never know for sure. Coercive control can be very subtle, and can go on for a long time, before the targeted person even notices it. (Unfortunately, I have experienced this more than once).
However, there are some things that you can look for and ask yourself in order to better determine the likelihood that you are in an unsafe or even dangerous work environment. (I use the words “unsafe” and “dangerous” rather than “toxic”, because coercive control, in extreme situations, can literally be deadly to the targeted person. A fatal outcome is far less likely in a work situation, than it would be in an intimate partner relationship, but the stress created by coercive control, even at work, can badly damage your health, self-esteem, finances, career, relationships etc. The word “toxic” doesn’t seem to be strong enough in this context).
Below are some of my suggestions for determining the likelihood that you are dealing with coercive control:
Questions to Ask Yourself:
Am I being isolated from support in any way?
Is your communication with others being cut off or monitored? This may be a sign that someone is taking credit for your work, or in some other way manipulating or misrepresenting the “facts” about you.
Have co-workers and/or supervisors started to relate to you differently for no apparent reason? This may indicate that a coercive controller is mis-characterizing you to others behind your back.
Do you arrive in meetings where everyone else seems to know what is happening, but you seem to be lacking information? This is potentially a sign that someone is intentionally keeping you out of the loop in order to make you look bad.
Are my resources being exploited?
Am I getting credit for my own work, or are there times when someone else either takes credit, or it appears that way?
Are my vulnerabilities being used against me?
If you are physically or mentally disabled in some way, are your needs suddenly not being taken into consideration … especially around a particular person?
Have you shared intimate information with someone in confidence, and that information now seems to be known by others you didn’t share it with?
Is information you have shared with a particular person now seemingly being used to discredit you in some way?
Is a particular person directly gaslighting you? (ex. implying, or even directly stating, that your understanding of reality is somehow flawed).
Does it seem like someone is lying? If you find proof of lies, or you just get the sense that someone is lying to, or about, you, there may be coercive control going on. Deception is a big part of coercive control, and people who are dishonest (especially when they show a pattern of dishonesty), are more likely to have reduced empathy and/or conscience. This is not the little white lie that is told to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. I am talking about lies that make your stomach hurt or your chest squeeze when you find out about them.
Has a particular person harmed me, then justified their actions? People who use coercive control are masters at blaming others for their own bad behavior.
Has this person apologized, then continued their bad behavior? This is another sign of emotional abuse that could be connected to coercive control.
Most Importantly – Do I feel like something is really wrong… especially around a particular person? This is the number one sign that you may have been targeted by a coercive controller. Our intuition picks up on lots of details that our conscious mind doesn’t have enough time or energy to process. Malcolm Gladwell’s book “Blink” goes into this phenomenon in great detail. If you are experiencing any kind of physical symptoms around a particular person, even if that person isn’t using full blown coercive control against you, it is in your best interest to get away from them. And, I don’t mean you get a bad feeling once. I mean that over a period of time, you notice yourself INCREASINGLY feeling worse around somebody. This type of escalation is quite indicative of coercive control.
None of the things above are actual proof that you are being targeted by a coercive controller, but running through these questions in your mind can help you to identify warning signs that it may be happening to you. The subtlety of coercive control makes it hard to identify, but if you listen to your gut, and watch for escalation, over time it will almost assuredly become more obvious. I don’t recommend sticking around long enough for it to become obvious, but sometimes extricating yourself from a situation like this can be very difficult.
While you are figuring out how to handle the situation, I recommend you follow Lisa Fontes suggestions to 1. document everything, 2. save evidence, 3. seek help and 4. consider human resources, so that if/when the time comes, you can best protect yourself.
Do you see any of the above signs happening at work? What examples of workplace coercive control have you experienced?
