Have you ever found yourself unjustly shouldering the blame for the actions of your coercive controller? Victim-blaming is a pervasive issue, particularly in cases involving coercive control.
Unveiling the invisible nature of coercive control is crucial to understanding this phenomenon. Despite its prevalence, coercive control remains unnoticed in plain sight. Imagine a scenario where evidence is abundantly available, easily identifiable for those in the know, yet elusive to those unaware of its existence – a hidden reality right before our eyes.
Let's explore the reasons behind victim-blaming, demystify the covert nature of coercive control, and empower ourselves with knowledge to break free from its insidious grasp.
In this discussion, I'll explore the Karpman Triangle, a well-known model for understanding dysfunction in relationships. We'll delve into how this model can be manipulated by coercive controllers to exert dominance and control, ultimately ensnaring their targets in a web of coercive and controlling abuse... often with the unwitting assistance of a well-meaning therapist.
What is The Karpman Triangle? Let's see what Chat GPT has to say...
"The Karpman Drama Triangle is a social model developed by psychologist Stephen Karpman in the 1960s. It illustrates the dynamics of dysfunctional relationships and the roles that people often unconsciously adopt in conflict situations. The triangle consists of three interconnected roles: the Victim, the Persecutor, and the Rescuer.
Victim: The person in the Victim role perceives themselves as helpless, oppressed, or mistreated. They often feel overwhelmed by circumstances and may seek pity or sympathy from others. In the context of the triangle, the Victim may unknowingly contribute to their own victimization and can switch roles with others in the drama.
Persecutor: The Persecutor is the one who blames, criticizes, or attacks others. They may appear aggressive, controlling, or superior. In the drama triangle, the Persecutor may target the Victim, holding them responsible for the perceived issues. Interestingly, individuals can shift from the Victim to the Persecutor role and vice versa.
Rescuer: The Rescuer believes they must intervene to save others from their problems. They often offer unsolicited advice, assistance, or protection. While appearing helpful, the Rescuer can inadvertently perpetuate the drama by reinforcing the Victim's sense of helplessness or triggering the Persecutor's defensive reactions.
The Karpman Drama Triangle describes a cyclical pattern where individuals move between these roles, creating a dynamic and often unhealthy dance in relationships. Awareness of these roles can be a first step in breaking free from the drama and fostering healthier interactions. The goal is to encourage individuals to move towards more empowering and constructive ways of relating to each other, transcending the limitations of the Drama Triangle."
As I see it, The Karpman Triangle (AKA Drama Triangle), can be, and likely is, quite useful when used in counseling with two parties that are equally committed to healthier ways of relating. If two relatively healthy and normal people are involved, this concept has real potential.
However, the concepts in the Drama Triangle have also been effectively weaponized by those with malicious intent who have essentially redefined the word victim, and that has done a great disservice to those who have been truly victimized.
Here are three definitions from the Oxford Dictionary for victim:
1. a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action. "victims of domestic violence"
2. a person who is tricked or duped. "the victim of a hoax"
3. a living creature killed as a religious sacrifice. "sacrificial victims for the ritual festivals"
Compare these definitions to the definition of victim in the Karpman Triangle:
"Victim: The person in the Victim role perceives themselves as helpless, oppressed, or mistreated. They often feel overwhelmed by circumstances and may seek pity or sympathy from others. In the context of the triangle, the Victim may unknowingly contribute to their own victimization and can switch roles with others in the drama."
The definition of the Karpman Triangle presents a stark departure from the conventional understanding of victimhood. Rather than acknowledging genuine victimization, it ascribes blame to the victim for their own abuse. When the Drama Triangle refers to someone as being in the role of a victim, it implies that the individual is "playing the victim" rather than actually experiencing victimization.
It is crucial to emphasize that targets of coercive control are not merely "playing victim" or seeking unwarranted sympathy. They are seeking compassion and understanding for the intentional harm inflicted upon them by another person. Targets of coercive control have undeniably been victimized.
Conversely, within the coercive control dynamic, it is often the coercive controller who assumes the role of "playing the victim." These controllers are adept at switching between all three roles in the Drama Triangle, causing confusion and psychological harm to the true victim. Strategies like DARVO are employed to manipulate perceptions and portray the coercive controller as the victim, thereby obscuring the reality of the situation.
In therapeutic settings, coercive controllers may exploit theories like the Karpman Triangle to obfuscate the truth and divert attention away from their abusive behavior. Therapy presupposes honesty and a willingness to change, qualities that coercive controllers typically lack. If therapists mistakenly perceive the coercive controller as sincere, it becomes challenging to identify and address tactics like gaslighting. Consequently, victims may find themselves repeatedly re-traumatized as blame is unfairly shifted onto their shoulders.
Whether in therapeutic settings or other contexts, it is paramount to apply appropriate context to prevent potentially harmful outcomes. Stay tuned for my upcoming blog where I will delve into the significance of context and its impact when assessing a situation for coercive control.
