TRANSFORMING SYSTEMS BY MAKING COERCIVE CONTROL VISIBLE
End Coercive Control Blog
The Strategies & Tactics of Coercive Control, Abuse of Power & Undue Influence
HOME OF THE QUICKSAND MODEL® of COERCIVE CONTROL
Do I need a Coercive Control Expert Witness? (Part One)
If you have been targeted by a coercive controller, and you’ve done enough research to know that coercive control is the problem you are dealing with, then you probably already know how difficult it can be to explain to professionals what coercive control looks and feels like. Coercive control is a complex and nuanced form of abuse that is invisible in plain sight. It is insidious in it’s subtle forms, and utterly terrifying when it escalates to forms that can include physical violence, sexual violence and/or veiled (or not so veiled) threats that leave you terrified of what the coercive controller may be capable of. In the hands of its most savvy practitioners, coercive control is intimate terrorism and pure torture! I don’t throw words
Am I the Coercive Controller? Am I the Abuser? Am I the Narcissist?
NOTE: I will refer to the other person in the “relationship” as the “partner” for this post. I do so to avoid assuming that you are entangled with a coercive controller. If/when you determine that is the case, the words “relationship” and “partner” no longer apply. Coercively controlling abusers are not partners, nor is the situation they have entrapped their target into a “relationship.” Have you ever wondered if your partner/ex-partner was right about you being the abusive one? The question “Am I the problem?” can haunt those of us with empathy, those of us who are introspective about our behavior and our impact on others… especially the person we married and/or hoped to build a life with. In this blog post I offer some basic
Coercive Control & Double Speak
I’ve covered Double Speak before, but today I’d like to go into this tactic, commonly used by coercive controllers, in a bit more depth. Double Speak is the Quicksand Model™’s term for the numerous ways that coercive controllers use language to manipulate and deceive others into viewing reality through their distorted lens. Coercive controllers perceive the world, and people in it, through their own unique combination of ideologies, myths, misconceptions, assumptions and biases. Here are some examples: The biases and assumptions coercive controllers view the world through are like colored glasses that distort their ability to see reality clearly. Take, for example, gender biases (this post will cover gender biases exclusively, however, this is only one type of bias that coercive controllers may exploit). A coercive controller who believes
Coercive Control & Parental Alienation Awareness Video
If you need an expert in coercive control for your case, you can book a free consult with me here. If you need a coercive control trainer, speaker or consultant to help transform your organization to better serve victims, you can book a consultation here.
The Quicksand Model® of Coercive Control & Double Team
BioPsychoSocial Quicksand™ is the term I coined for the victim’s experience of coercive control. Coercive control is damaging to our bodies, our brains, our minds and our relationships, and therefore, has negative biological, psychological and social impacts on the target. These negative impacts can become overwhelming, often leaving the target feeling like they are suffocating and drowning in inescapable quicksand. In this blog I am revealing another Double in the BPQSM™, the Double Team (#DoubleTeam). Maybe you’ve never heard of the Double Team before, but if you have read much about narcissistic abuse, psychopathic abuse, narcissism, psychopathy or coercive control, I bet you have heard the term flying monkeys. The use of flying monkeys by a narcissistic coercive controller is a particularly alarming and painful aspect of being entrapped in BioPsychoSocial Quicksand™. It is
The Quicksand Model® of Coercive Control & the Two New Doubles
As I work with more and more clients who have suffered the devastating impacts of coercive control in their “relationships” I have discovered two more doubles that coercive controllers rely upon to prevent their target’s escape from BioPsychoSocial Quicksand™. I have termed them the Double Cross and the Double Team. Today I will cover the Double Cross and in an upcoming blog, I’ll delve into the Double Team. What many people still do not understand is that coercive controllers are, for the most part, fully aware and intentional in their use of coercive control tactics and strategies (an exception is the coercive controller who is experiencing psychosis). Professionals who run batterer intervention programs have known this for decades, because these pros have heard first hand the excuses that coercive
Announcing The BioPsychoSocial Quicksand Model of Coercive Control (The BPSQM)
UPDATE: June 30, 2024 / The BioPsychoSocial Quicksand Model™ is still based on psychological, social and biological aspects of coercive control, but the name has now been shortened to The Quicksand Model™ As I continue research and consultation with other experts in the fields of coercive control within domestic abuse, cults, extremist groups, human trafficking, gangs, trauma, betrayal trauma and coercive violence, I continually tweak my PsychoSocial Quicksand Model™ of coercive control to reflect emerging aspects and missing elements from early conceptualization of the model. The fields of coercive control and trauma, in particular, are growing rapidly, and every day I discover new research that supports the model and brings additional insights that are important to include. While working with targeted victim/survivors of coercive control I have come to realize that a critical aspect of coercive
Landmark Coercive Control Suicide Case
The feelings of hopelessness and helplessness caused by coercive control can be overwhelming, anxiety, terror, and depression-inducing, and often result in PTSD or CPTSD. Coercive control can also be life-threatening and life-altering. I have known for a long time that coercive control creates suicidal ideation, because I have experienced it myself many times. Every survivor that I have asked about suicidal feelings has indicated that they experienced them, at some point, as well. This happens, not only because of the direct coercive control of the coercive controller, but also because, when the target tries to escape the PsychoSocial Quicksand™ they are trapped in, they often encounter biases and #SystemicCoerciveControl where they are not believed and are instead blamed for their own victimization. When I was