Why do we need to focus on the pattern of coercive control?
In short, the murders of seven family members by a Mormon father in Enoch, Utah is a classic example of why we need the context of coercive control to be the focus of domestic violence and abuse prevention efforts. If you haven't read the news about these murders yet, you may wish to do so before reading on.
The fact that police, prosecutors and, at minimum, someone with whom Tausha Haight had an appointment (perhaps a domestic violence advocate), knew that she was likely in danger, and yet the murders were carried out anyway, tells us our systems are not working effectively to protect victims... especially victims of coercive control.
Tausha had filed for a divorce. She was a Mormon mother of five, and she was married to an abusive man, very likely a #CoerciveController, from whom she was trying to escape. These facts alone indicated Tausha was at high risk of fatal domestic abuse. Victims of domestic violence who are religious can be especially vulnerable to coercive control, due to the patriarchal structure of most religions. Religions in general, and Mormonism, in particular, tend to victim-blame and minimize perpetrator's coercive control, often covering up the abuse and sweeping it under the rug. Victims seeking help from church leaders rarely find the help they need to escape, and often are met with similar coercive control tactics within systems which often re-traumatize them.
I do not have enough details yet, but it is almost certain that Tausha was trapped in the PsychoSocial Quicksand™ of coercive control. Research has shown that nearly 100% of domestic violence that escalates to homicide/suicide is preceded by a pattern of coercive control. Jane Monckton-Smith's research shows that domestic violence homicide and suicide most often include a pattern of coercive control by stage three of the 8 stages of femicide. she identified in homicide cases.
The good news is that if we know there are 8 stages for femicide and domestic violence homicide/suicide, then we can predict them, and we can prevent them. But in order to put this research into practice to protect victims of coercive control, we need a systemic, multi-pronged approach. We need #SystemicTransformation! And the first order of transformation is to change the lens, or the context, through which these cases are viewed.
Currently systems predominantly use a single incidence model of physical violence when assessing cases. What this means is there is a focus on each individual act of physical violence as separate and disconnected from any others. At minimum, there are two big problems with this model. 1. Physical violence is not the biggest risk factor for fatal domestic violence, coercive control is, and 2. The dozens, hundreds or thousands of non-criminal acts of abuse are completely ignored by this focus. While these non-physical abusive acts of coercive control may not be crimes (depending on where you live), that doesn't mean they are not harmful, and it doesn't mean they do not violate the victim's human rights. But this focus on physical violence ignores human rights violations. It is time we re-focus and prioritize the rights of victims above the rights of perpetrators.
Currently we are failing to view domestic violence, domestic abuse and child abuse through a lens that acknowledges the pattern and the harms of coercive control. Coercive control is a pattern of abuses of power. It can include physical abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, sexual abuse, financial abuse, spiritual abuse and more. #CoerciveControllers use a combination of tactics of abuse to gain control over their victim's behaviors, thoughts, emotions and the information (BITE) they have access to. They use terroristic torture tactics of coercion and control to exploit and entrap their victims. These are the same tactics used by terrorists and kidnappers, and against prisoners of war.
These are the same tactics that were likely being used to exploit and entrap members of the Haight family in, what I term, the PsychoSocial Quicksand™ of coercive control.
If the pattern of coercive control had been discovered earlier could these murders have been prevented? I don't know. We can't know for sure. But what we do know is that appropriate coercive control assessment (possibly at the time of the 2020 allegations brought by his daughter) may have been exactly what this family needed to hold their abuser accountable and help them escape and survive the regime of coercive control that they were trapped within. At that time, Tausha believed her husband needed "a wake up call", and she did not want to press charges. But I do not believe her husband was "asleep".
I don't remember exactly where I heard this, but the perspective shift really stuck with me.
"You can't wake someone up who's only pretending to be asleep". If you are a professional who works with victims and/or perpetrators, please, please, please stop assuming perpetrators do not know what they are doing. It is a very dangerous assumption.
I do not argue that all coercive controllers know what they are doing 100% of the time, but I do argue that nearly all coercive controllers are at least partly aware that they are manipulating, deceiving and harming others for their own benefit. And whether they are completely conscious of it or not, they are still 100% responsible for the harm they do (the possible exception to this might be a victim groomed or threatened into becoming coercively controlling without their consent).
Personally, I am still being prevented from escaping PsychoSocial Quicksand™ by systems that are either unwilling or unable to protect me and my children... systems that have ignored the tactics of coercive control that continue to be used to harm me and my family. I have experienced first hand the victim-blaming, minimization, and coverups that protect my coercive controller from accountability. Perhaps Tausha Haight experienced similar issues. Perhaps not. I will never know for sure, because I will never have the honor and privilege of speaking with her, her mother or her children about what was happening to them behind closed doors. May they rest in peace. My hope is that the systems get the "wake up call" that Tausha hoped would end her husband's abusive behavior.
