Coercive control is a complex, nuanced, and dangerous pattern of abuses of power. It is the pattern of behavior that establishes and maintains oppression, and it is often said to be invisible in plain sight. In order to be able to see the signs of coercive control, we need to understand the biological, psychological, and social forces that are keeping coercive control invisible.
In today's blog post, I'll be discussing the initial trio of signs that constitute The Mirage™ in coercive control. Recognizing these preliminary indicators may not prevent you from being targeted, but it could potentially help you from becoming ensnared, and eventually entrapped, in the bio-psycho-social quicksand of a coercive controller.
The Quicksand Model™ of Coercive Control has been meticulously crafted to expose the often unseen signs of coercive control, making the invisible visible. ECCUSA's training programs featuring The Quicksand Model™ aim to unveil the triad of aspects that coercive controllers frequently combine to ensure their targets are entranced, disoriented, and blind to the looming threat posed by the controller.
The image above illustrates how The Mirage™ encompasses three potent tactics of coercive control: manipulative kindness (also known as love-bombing), future-faking, and mirroring. Each of these tactics, individually, has the potential to destabilize a target, but when they converge, they form a formidable, almost irresistible force. That is, of course, unless you're equipped with the knowledge to identify these signs of coercive control even as they're being employed against you.
Do you see the signs of manipulative kindness, mirroring and future-faking in the image? Let's cover each one individually.
Frequently, the initial strategy deployed by a coercive controller is mirroring. "Mirroring is a behavior where one person subconsciously replicates the movements, speech patterns, or attitudes of another." Mirroring isn't inherently negative: many of us use it to some degree in our interactions. However, when wielded by a coercive controller, mirroring isn't a subconscious act, but a calculated tactic. This intent becomes apparent when we realize that it's employed to connect with the target, with the sole aim of ensnaring and eventually trapping them in the treacherous quicksand of coercive control.
Following the mirroring phase, the manipulative kindness tactic, often termed as "love-bombing", is typically set into motion. Once the target experiences a bond with the coercive controller, fostered by the use of mirroring, they might begin to notice the subsequent signs indicating that they are being subjected to coercive control. These signs can be categorized into four primary indicators: 1. The declaration of "soulmate status", 2. The showering of exaggerated compliments, 3. The giving of gifts, and 4. An onslaught of constant communication.
The concluding element of The Mirage™ is the tactic known as future-faking. Concurrent with mirroring tactics and the deployment of manipulative kindness, the coercive controller meticulously observes the target's values, aspirations, dreams, and more. They then craft a picture-perfect future, adeptly aligning it with the idealized version in the target's mind. This constructed future becomes almost irresistible for the target, as it resonates with their deepest desires and aspirations.
Coercive controllers utilize these tactics across various environments to construct The Mirage™. The more subtly and consistently these strategies are implemented, the more potent The Mirage™ becomes, masking the perilous quicksand of coercive control lurking behind its seductive surface.
Revisit the illustration provided above. Can you identify the signs of coercive control manifesting in the image of The Mirage™? Reflecting on your past, can you recall instances of these signs being used to strategically manipulate you or someone you know?
Seeing The Mirage™ unfold before you doesn't necessarily make it easy to resist, especially during significant life transitions. Instances such as departing for college, enduring a breakup, suffering a substantial loss, coping with financial instability, or relocating can heighten your susceptibility to becoming a target of coercive control.
Coercive controllers wield The Mirage™ not solely against their primary targets, but also extend its reach to professionals, friends, and family members. This becomes particularly evident when the primary victim (target) recognizes the harm being inflicted upon them and seeks help.
Professionals including therapists, attorneys, judges, police officers, and child protective services workers are not exempt from The Mirage's™ lure. They are just as susceptible as any other individual to the manipulative tactics and deceptions designed to obscure the reality of coercive control.
If you ever find yourself inexplicably drawn to someone unfamiliar, or if you're unable to articulate what you find attractive about them, recall the signs of coercive control we've discussed today that compose a coercive controller's Mirage™. And remember, if you detect a mirage masking the quicksand of coercive control, don't merely walk away - sprint in the opposite direction! The life you save could very well be your own!
In my upcoming blog post, I'll delve into detailed examples illustrating how coercive controllers employ The Mirage™ to orchestrate a 'Double Team' effect. They manipulate professionals, bystanders, friends, and family members into forming a united front against their primary victim, isolating them and, sometimes, terrorizing them further. Stay tuned for this insightful exploration.
