UPDATE: June 30, 2024 / The PsychoSocial Quicksand Model™ is still based on psychological, social and biological aspects of coercive control, but the name has now been shortened to The Quicksand Model™
The terms victim and target will be used interchangeably to indicate that victims are not to blame, and are most often directly targeted by coercive controllers.
Coercive controllers use multiple tactics and strategies of coercive control to dominate their targets using the PsychoSocial Quicksand™. These strategies can be as straight-forward as physically forcing their target into submission, through physical violence, or as subtle and sophisticated as The Mirage™.
The coercive controller's strategic plan to dominate targeted victims using the PsychoSocial Quicksand™ of coercive control include strategic phases called The 5 Es. Don't think of The 5 Es as linear, because their use is much more flexible than that. The coercive controller may use the phases in order, but usually, these strategies are like tools in a coercively controlling toolbox. The coercive controller selects the tool or tools that best fit the task at hand. If one doesn't accomplish what the coercive controller is after, they may switch to another phase seamlessly, even combining phases to overwhelm a particularly strong and savvy target.
1. Ensnare - in this phase the coercive controller ensnares the targeted victim in a trance using The Mirage™ (The Mirage™ is the first half of the Double Cross, which I will cover in a future blog).
2. Entrap - coercive controllers begin introducing, usually slowly, but sometimes quite rapidly, the tactics of Double Standards, Double Binds, Double Speak, Double Think, Double Cross & DARVO. If the coercive controller uses the tactic of Double Team (aka enlisting flying monkeys) early on, it is often done secretly, behind the target's back, and therefore, is invisible (see Double Team explained in a future blog).
3. Exploit - once the target / victim has been ensnared and entrapped, the coercive controller can more easily exploit the victim for their resources, and use of the Doubles and DARVO often increase (this can become incredibly oppressive and, in the extreme, is akin to modern day slavery).
4. Prevent Escape through Escalation - targets often begin to wake up to the fact that they are being exploited, and sometimes resist. This makes it necessary for the coercive controller to escalate their use of the Doubles and DARVO in order to prevent their target from escaping the PsychoSocial Quicksand™, so they can continue to exploit them. If physical violence has not been used by the coercive controller previously, a victim using #ActsOfResistance, can lead a coercive controller to escalate to physical violence. This is especially true if the target separates from the coercive controller. Research shows that separation is the most dangerous time for a targeted victim.
5. Eradicate - if the target somehow manages to escape the PsychoSocial Quicksand™, the coercive controller will either attempt to Re-Entrance the target back into the PsychoSocial Quicksand™ or Eradicate them altogether (eradication correlates with stages 6, 7 & 8 of the 8 stages of domestic violence homicide/suicide).
To ensnare a target, coercive controllers use of three highly manipulative and deceptive tactics: mirroring, future-faking, and manipulative kindness (aka love-bombing). These three tactics, especially when used together, combine to form an illusion intended to override critical thinking and put the target into a trance-like state. I call this combination of tactics The Mirage™. While the target is being ensnared by The Mirage™, they are tricked, as if by magic (neuromagic to be specific) into seeing the coercive controller as their hero and/or soul-mate. The Mirage™ is critical for laying the foundation for the other phases of the coercive controller's plan.
Let's take a look at how The Mirage™ in the Ensnare phase works.
The Mirage™ consists of combining the powerful tactics of mirroring, manipulative kindness (love-bombing) and future-faking, which coercive controllers use to facilitate the first phase of the PsychoSocial Quicksand Model's™ strategy, Ensnare.
During mirroring the coercive controller imitates the "gesture, speech pattern, or attitude" of their target. This tactic is commonly used by salespeople to create rapport, and build trust, with another person quickly. Mirroring helps increase liking, one of Robert Cialdini's seven principles of influence.
"Future faking is when someone uses a detailed vision of the future to facilitate the bonding and connection in a romantic relationship", and Manipulative kindness (aka love-bombing) is the use of deceptive, but seemingly loving, kind and/or extravagant gestures of affection and attention to manipulate or influence the target.
When the coercive controller uses all three together the effect is to hijack the target's imagination, values, goals and dreams to quickly cause that person to believe the coercive controller can be trusted and has their best interests at heart. The mirroring and manipulative kindness create the illusion that they are "meant to be together", and the fake future the coercive controller paints causes the target to lose sight of present reality, ignore red flags, and focus instead on The Mirage™ that is hiding the PsychoSocial Quicksand™ lurking behind it, intentionally made invisible. If you are a highly creative and imaginative right-brained person like myself, you will be especially vulnerable to The Mirage™.
It is critical to understand that, first and foremost, The Mirage™ is an intentional use of tactics, part of an overall strategy, to dominate and subjugate the target. Many people still believe the myth that abusers / coercive controllers are unaware of what they are doing. I believed this myself for a long time. Then, once I started to doubt the myth's validity, I still vacillated between knowing I had been intentionally harmed and questioning that reality. This was mainly because of the constant gaslighting I was experiencing, which created my Double Vision. Even after I was finally sure that what I had experienced had been a strategic and sadistic intentional strategy to entrap and exploit me, I was thrust once again into doubt while conducting my research.
Two of my research participants were not convinced that coercive controllers act with intentionality. They had doubts, and their doubts were reasonable, given their experiences. However, after reviewing the interviews and conducting extensive additional research to definitively answer this question, this is what I discovered. As I discussed in previous blogs, there are two tactics that coercive controllers employ that deceive others, and even themselves, into believing their own lies: Double Think and Double Speak. I believe that the reason why so many targeted victims (and outsiders, including therapists) think that coercive controllers are not fully conscious of their actions is because the coercive controllers have so effectively deceived themselves (through Double Think), that when they lie (Double Speak) about their intentions, they often appear genuinely truthful.
Double think is used by coercive controllers to "know but not know". It is a form of self-denial that permits them to temporarily block off or ignore parts of their knowledge and/or memory and claim they don't exist. Double Speak is then the way that Double Think manifests in their words and behaviors, where coercive controllers contradict themselves and use every manner of smoke-screening to avoid the negative truth about themselves.
Coercive controllers words and actions do not match, and while they may be incredibly adept at concealing it, they are fully aware of their own self "denial".
Coercive controllers appear quite authentic when they employ mirroring, manipulative kindness and future-faking to create The Mirage™ for their targeted victim. These three tactics override the target's defenses by removing, or at least reducing, their critical thinking ability, and leave the victim vulnerable to entrapment, exploitation, escalation, and eventually (if the target attempts or escape), eradication!
Did your coercive controller use The Mirage™ to entrance you into PsychoSocial Quicksand™?
