This article on Kristie Evans and the coercive control she suffered prior to having her husband killed is an excellent read!
Decades of marriage to a coercive controller who's coercive control was escalating forced Kristie Evans to have her husband killed in order to save herself. However, the press originally framed this story as a "love triangle gone wrong", and not the act of self-defense that it was. This case is not about violence against her husband. This case is about resisting HIS violence.
Coercive control is incredibly insidious! It is subtle and it is hidden in plain sight. Kristie Evans was married to a small town Baptist preacher in Oklahoma who was quoted as saying:
“I don’t own her. Can’t control her. She is my equal partner, and I know how amazing she really is. I don’t know much, but I know I should keep pursuing her just like when we first met.”
He pursued her all right! This quote is dripping with red flags for coercive control, but most people won't see it that way. Especially with faith leaders, we tend to take what people say at face value. But that is exactly how coercive controllers get away with coercive control. They say all the right words to cover their tracks, in advance. This statement is actually EVIDENCE that he was coercively controlling. It is proof that he used smoke-screening tactics to protect himself from scrutiny. He wanted to make sure that people believed he was not controlling or focused on his wife as an owned object, so he said so. He acted as if he believed her to be "amazing", but upon further examination of text messages and statements regarding his abuse, we can see that this statement was carefully crafted to deceive. It is actually a covert confession.
I feel for Kristie Evans. She has already been through "hell" with her husband, and now she is going to have to face the US court system and society's misconceptions about domestic abuse and its lack of understanding of coercive control. She is going to be painted as a murderer by the prosecutor and a sinner by the church. She is no such thing. She is a human being that was pushed beyond her ability to cope with ongoing terror. Kristie's husband, who had been extremely abusive and coercively controlling for decades, was threatening suicide. Survivors like Kristie and myself understand what that means. If he was going to take his own life, he was going to take hers along with it. She was terrified for her life and she did the only thing she knew could make him stop torturing her. She is finally safe from him, but now she will have to face the inevitable victim-blaming to which survivors of coercive control are nearly always subjected.
This case could turn out to be the most important case for women's equality in the US. Roe vs Wade could pale by comparison. While reproductive rights are certainly important, this case involves the rights to agency, dignity and freedom for all women and girls. If Kristie is found not guilty it could pave the way for coercive control laws across the country and lead to true protection of human rights for women and girls. But if she is convicted it could further entrench us in misogynistic, patriarchal and victim-blaming narratives that are currently the biggest threat our female citizens face today.
I will be keeping an eye on this case, and if you care about women's rights, you will too.
