The signs of #coercivecontrol are #InvisibleInPlainSight. These grieving family members are most likely telling the truth when they say there was "no warning sign". But I would be willing to bet that there were signs of coercive control. The family members just didn't know what to look for. It's not their fault they missed it. Most everyone misses it, because coercive control, the #1 risk factor for #DomesticViolenceHomicide, can be very subtle and insidious. It is difficult to detect and even harder to address.
A pattern of coercive control that has entrapped a victim/survivor in #PsychoSocialQuicksand may or may not include physical violence. With no #PhysicalViolence present, the couple may appear to be happy, as they did to their extended family members in this article. Even when there is physical violence, it may be hidden from view. Domestic violence has long been a crime perpetrated behind closed doors.
The coercive control in my most dangerous "relationship" (it wasn't really a relationship - it was a fraud) was extremely subtle. It appeared to me as love and care initially, as it does in stage two of the eight stages of domestic violence homicide/suicide. My ex followed the 8 stages of domestic abuse homicide all the way up to stage 8. He did not kill me, but he sure as hell tried. When I was suicidal from the torture I was experiencing, instead of being supportive, he doubled-down on his coercive control.
Coercive controllers feel entitled to anything and everything connected to their family members. They see family like property, to be used and exploited for their own pleasure. So, when a targeted victim doesn't comply with a coercive controller's demands, the coercive control will likely escalate… sometimes as far as domestic abuse homicide or domestic abuse homicide/suicide.
I need to return to my research now, so I don't have time to go into the tactics of coercive control today, but you can read my other blog posts and/or check out this terrific article by Dr. Lisa Fontes to learn ways to detect coercive control.
